Archives For August 2013

 

images

Long has been the debate whether higher education does any good at all, or is deleterious to the people who have it. (That previous sentence was a throwaway for the chumps with a higher education, with the exception of Military, Medical and Law.)

Before we continue, let us examine a list of people who did not have a higher education.

Ready for the list?

Steve Jobs, Michael Dell, Ellen DeGeneres, James Cameron, Pablo Picasso, Rush Limbaugh, F. Scott Fitzgerald,  Ray Bradbury, Ralph Lauren, Sean Connery, Tom Hanks, Madonna, Jim Carrey, Robert De Niro, Clint Eastwood, Michael Caine, George Clooney, Julie Andrews, Dustin Hoffman, Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Bill Gates, Michael J. Fox, Simon Cowell, Walt Disney, Dave Thomas, Halle Berry, David Geffen, and Ted Turner did not graduate from college.

But let’s go a bit deeper. What about people who didn’t even finish high school?

John D. Rockefeller, Sr., Bryan Adams, Sheldon Adelson, Woody Allen, Coco Chanel, Thomas Edison, Albert Eistein, Enzio Ferrari, Charles Lindbergh, Jack London, George Orwell, Bill Cosby, Cameron Diaz, Al Pacino, H.G. Wells, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, and Kip Addotta did not graduate from High School.

All of the people above have been extraordinarily successful in their fields. They have put millions of people to work, and generated trillions of dollar in revenue. They do require the people they employ to have higher educations so that they are already regimented, and easily controlled.

Here’s what the people above did not do. They did not put their parents into debt. They did not take out any student loans, which, by the way, now amount to one trillion dollars. These people, without higher education, and some without a high school education, have never voted for someone simply because they would sleep with them. No, they voted for people they thought were qualified for the office. The people above did not “hook up” with more than 300 people during a four year span of higher education. They didn’t drink 52 gallons of pure, hard liquor during their four years of higher education, they produced no unwanted children, and they never went on welfare or used food stamps.

Johnny Depp alone has generated over 7 billion dollars in revenue.

So, is a higher education necessary? Only if you want to get a job working for someone without one.

My web master says that there needs to be more of me on my blog. I have been distracted, of late, by the preparation of shows that I presented at The ACME Theater, in Los Angeles. For the last four months I have been working from 7AM to 2AM, seven days a week, to write and produce these shows. My theory is that I should never do what an audience expects me to do. This theory has always worked well for me. The shows at the ACME went well and then I had to rest. Now I am rested.

Doing what I do is hard work and is only fun when I finally get to walk out on stage. There is no fear. There is no adrenalin rush. I know that what I have prepared is going to work. If that sounds arrogant then so be it. I must have the attitude that I am doing the show for me. That’s the only way an audience will enjoy it.

Did the audience laugh? Yes and they laughed exactly when I expected them to. But there are sections in my  of my performance when the audience does not laugh and I do not expect them to laugh. I must always remember that an audience must be rested. Given time to catch their breath. and relax. During these times I tell them anecdotes about my life, my childhood, my formative years.

I have never listened to a comedy album, in my life. That’s for the chumps. I do not want to be derivative in my work, and ones brain can play tricks on one.

At this point, in my life, I believe that I am a master at what I do. What I do is be myself, Kip Addotta. When i see the so called comedians of the day it makes me want to throw up. The foul language and the lack of creativity is appalling. I see them making mistakes that they have seen other, so called, comedians make. And so the mere mention of the word “Comedy” drives people away in the same way the word Disco does. So I do not allow the word “Funny”, “Comic” or “Comedian” appear in any of my advertising. This diminishes my brand which is Kip Addotta. Yes, I take what I do seriously and that is the only way it will be funny. If you come to one of my shows and I do exactly what you thought I would do then I have failed to do my job.

Live

Kip

 

Wish I could condense the following into one short paragraph, but I’m not good enough.  I know if someone sent me something as long as that it would scare me right off the bat.  The first thing I do with an email letter is check it’s length.  If it’s too long it scares me.  If multiple paragraphs are used, that lessens my fear.  As a major promoter of the Golden Rule I would not want anyone to read in full something I wouldn’t read even part way.  But anyway, here it is.
 
As our bodies weaken with age, so too does our fear of dying.  At least that’s happening to me.  The fear weakens but does not die until we’re gone. That’s because all of us are saddled with the annoying will to live.  Even people who want to die are saddled with it.
 
Now, just because I am no longer afraid of dying doesn’t mean I am going to rush out and do a bunch of stuff that scared me all my life, like flying for instance.  It scared me 49 years ago the last time I flew at age 17 and it scares me still. 
 
The bucket list is a myth.  It’s absurd.  After all these years you finally lose your fear of dying and decide to live life to the fullest.  That’s good, except now you no longer have the energy to do it.
 
But I want to talk about something other than fear.  I want to talk about using fear, even manufacturing fear,  as an excuse for avoiding things.  For example, my fear of flying is real, but I believe that over the years I have exaggerated that fear to my own advantage, one of which is having an excuse for never having to be anywhere in a hurry.
 
I make sure that everyone I know is aware of my fear of flying.  I want them to never forget it.  That way, if a friend clear across the country dies and I don’t want to go to the funeral, no one can say I’m a bad guy for not showing, because I told them a million times I do not fly and never will for any reason, and I swear to God I’m really sorry about not being at the funeral, but hitch-hiking or taking the bus would not have got me there in time.
 
Did you notice I neglected the car as a means of getting there?  That’s because I haven’t owned a car in 35 years.  Another good excuse for not having to be somewhere in a hurry.  I have deprived myself of many things in exchange for those excuses.  My fears have deprived me of a possibly fuller life, but I’m sure they have also paid off at times.
 
Using fear as an excuse works to some degree, but it’s never fool proof.  The best tactic for avoiding far off functions and other unwanted people-mingling events is to simply have less friends.  Having less friends can also make dying easier.  When I tell that to people, they say, “Everyone needs friends – who wants to die alone?”  My answer to that is, “Everybody dies alone.”  I don’t care if you go down in Grand Central Station with a thousand people around, when you take your last breath you will be alone.  I’m ready for it.
 
This conversation is scaring me – gotta go

TJ
 

Not much here but am sending anyway.  Not much honesty to it because I didn’t even follow the case, not interested at all, but was drawn into writing my story by a follower of the Bulger news saga who told me she thought Whitey’s last name was funny, that every time she saw it in print she thought of the word “bulge”.  Well, so do I.  I always did.  Here’s why.

I heard from a guy who knew Whitey Bulger personally and even went with him on a few whack jobs that one of Whitey’s nicknames was in fact ‘The Bulger’, because when Whitey told his victims they were going to die their eyes bulged out.

 Actually, I was that guy, and I’m also the guy who gave him the nickname.  I remember when it happened.  We’re sitting in a coffee shop talking about what went down (yeah, we talk shop), and I says, “Hey Whitey, did you see the look on that guy’s face when you told him he was gonna die?”

Whitey says, “I didn’t notice.”

I said, “Whitey, the guys eyes were bulging out.”

“Oh yeah”, Whitey says, “Yeah, that – I noticed that, I always notice that – I thought you was talking about something else.”

I let a pause go by before slyly asking Whitey what his last name is.

“What kind of question is that?”, he says, “you know my name is Bulger.”

“Yeah”, I told him, “but It’s not just Bulger, it’s “The Bulger”, announcing it with dramatic flair – and Whitey looks at me all perplexed like he doesn’t understand, so I explain.  “You know, Whitey – ’cause their eyes bulge out when you tell ’em they’re gonna die” – and Whitey just breaks up laughing and says, “That’s a good one Tommy, I’m gonna have to remember that one.”

 But Whitey didn’t have to remember.  I told the rest of the gang about it the next day and from then on everyone started calling Whitey “The Bulger”.  Whitey was proud of it.  But after a few years he grew to dislike the nickname and vowed that if he caught anyone using it in his presence or even behind his back they would be the next to die.  I never used it after that.

 I never told this story to anyone before.  You are the first one, the only one.  I am able to tell you this now because Whitey was sentenced to life in prison the other day and I really couldn’t care less what he thinks anymore.  Even if he has internet access in prison, it’s not like he’s ever visited your site.  Has he?


TJ

Texting by TJ

08/15/2013 — 1 Comment

TOO MANY WORDS!  Can’t we say things in less time?  I know I could use some editing.  Maybe the trend toward abbreviating is a good thing.  Still, I can’t deny at times being annoyed with the language of texting.  I’m not annoying with abbreviating things, I just don’t like their style.  Their AB work is not creative enough.  The R and U thing in place of ARE or YOU is especially annoying because the words they AB are already short.  At the same time, let’s admit it, it’s easier than typing ‘are’ or ‘you’ – and not everyone can type.   I acknowledge even  further that if R and U were the norm today, it would be near impossible to get anyone to switch to ARE and YOU. 

 Maybe the text people are more intelligent than I thought.  I had assumed if you’re going to AB something, it should be a word that needs it, like really a long word with lots of syllables.  Maybe the text people are building their new language (our new language), the opposite way, which actually makes sense – ABBing short words first, getting us accostomed to it, then attacking the longer words after they’ve established a stronghold. 

 Just yesterday I was talking with a guy who texts a lot.  I’ve seen his texts.  He has allowed me to study them.  I’ve seen his AB work and I think it sucks.  Not creative enough, lots of R’s and U’s like I mentioned earlier.  I told him his AB work could use some improvement.  He asked me what I meant by that.  I told him I’d rather not say.  He asked why I’d rather not say.  I said, “Because it’s TMA.” 

 He says, “What the hell is TMA?” 

 I said, “Too much aggravation.  Or – just for you – ‘2 mch agg’.”

 Man, I’m worn out from using all these words just now.  I’m outta here.

 TJ

Dear Friends

My shows at the ACME Theater went better than one could hope. Thanks to all of you who came. And special thanks to Dan Kane, Allen Nechy, Tina Duncan, Jonathan Green, Dinny Chisholm, Tina Dunton and, of course, Greg Carpenter without who’s help I would not have been able to accomplish what we did.

Behind The Scenes
The drama that was going on behind the scenes was terrible. Members of the crew at (I will not give them the satisfaction of billboarding their radio show) went out of their way to sabotage my shows at the ACME Theater. On the air they said every nasty thing they could about my family, my love and me. “I was washed up, out of my mind, not funny, old, untalented and an all around bad person.”

They went as far as to purchase tickets (and not show up. On both nights some thirty of these tickets were in play) so that I would have empty seats in my showroom. I will not allow these people to hide behind the cloak of anonymity. Please help me expose and confront these dirty rotten scums.

These people are: Matt Alan, Lori Downey Jr., Ralph Odierna, Connie Probasco and Johnny Cosmo.

Thank you

Live

Kip Addotta

I can feel myself getting in better physical condition.  Tonight I was watching an MMA fight on tv and didn’t start getting out of breath until the 4th round.  I’m getting there.
As I watched tonight’s battle I thought for sure I could have handled either one of those guys if only I had not started smoking at a young age and if only I had dedicated myself to working out, and if only I had enjoyed the glory of violent contact.  Had I done that, I know I could easily have handled both of those guys, maybe even at the same time.
I might have been a champion – If not, a top contender for sure.  And this doesn’t apply only to fighting.  It applies to everything under the sun.  I could have been great at anything if I had dedicated myself to it earlier in life.
But I’m not griping.  I take off my hat to people who get out there and do it, even if they’re not as talented as me, especially if I had dedicated myself early to the same thing.  But, looking on the bright side, when you become a champion it’s a constant battle to stay there.  Too much work.  I don’t need that kind of stress.  So I’m happy with where I’m at in life.  I just wanted you to know that I could have been a champion at just about anything if only I had wanted it bad enough.  But I didn’t and I don’t.  So there.  Peace out, bro.  Peace out.
 
TJ

Submitted by TJ:

The last time I got into an actual fist fight was at an intersection with a 4-way stop sign.  The four nicest guys on earth just happened to be there at the same time. I was one of them. Very polite. All of us had our arms out our windows trying to wave the others on.

“You go,” one guy yelled, looking at me. “No, no, you were here before me,” I said, “You go.” “Who was here first?,” yelled another guy from his car. “Whoever was here first should go first.”

“I don’t know,” said another guy, pointing to another car.  “He got here at the same time as me.  It’s hard to say who got here first.”

The polite discussion continued with each stopped driver asking someone else to make the first move. I did the same.  Believe it or not, at one point I was tempted to make the first move even though I knew I wasn’t the first one there. But I hesitated to do that because I have always considered myself a fair guy and did not want to belay that image of myself.

Finally, things got really testy as other drivers began piling up behind us.  Lots of cursing and horn-honking gong on. It was a narrow street, with no room for anyone to get around. It was an ugly stalemate. I had to do something.

I got out of the car with my arms raised shoulder high, palms up to the sky, and yelled, “Patience people!,” in a voice so convincing I couldn’t’ believe it came from me. Everyone had their heads out the window to hear me speak.

But, I had nothing more to say, I was so gassed from the unexpected verbal explosion. And now, suddenly, it was more than just heads out the windows as entire bodies began piling from cars, fists clenched, faces twisted with anger and hate.  People began punching each other indiscriminately.

I swung at the first guy who came my way. He went down in a heap, his legs twisted under my front tire.  “To hell with this,” I cried to the others, “I’m getting out of here.”  I peeled out, burning rubber as well as leg bones into the pavement.  I glanced through the rear-view to see everyone piling back into their cars, smiles on their faces, free at last to once again travel life’s roads unhindered by the sudden and rare appearance of the world’s 4 nicest guys at the same 4-way stop sign.  Doesn’t happen often. That’s why I’m telling you about it.

– By T.J.

Submitted by TJ:

I am destroying the law as we know it.  It will be rebuilt with me as chief architect.  All new laws must go through me.  They will be intelligent laws based on personal experiences from my own life, not a bunch of crap from a book.  I’m talking about the Golden Rule here.

Here’s an example.  A regular is in a bar having a beer.  A stranger walks in, sits near the regular and orders a beer.  He takes a big swig and lights a cigaret with a match, blows it out and tosses it to the rug.

“Did you see that?”, says the waitress to the regular, “that guy just threw his match on the rug.”

“Yeah, I saw it”, the regular says, “but I’m going to let it slide because I myself have littered many times.”

A short time later the stranger orders another drink, takes a swig and yanks a large booger from his nose and uses his finger to glue it to the bottom of the counter.

“Oh my God, did you see that?”, says the bar maid.  “He just stuck his snot under the counter.”

“Yeah, I saw it, but I’m going to let it slide because I myself have done the same thing.”

The stranger orders another beer.  He takes a swig and belches, then cuts a really loud fart.

“Holy crap”, says the bar maid, “did you hear that?  I can’t believe he did that.”

“Yeah, I heard it”, says the regular, “but I’m going to let it slide because I myself have done the same thing many times.”

“But he didn’t say he was sorry”, says the bar maid.

“Well now, that’s different”, says the regular, slowly rising from his seat.  “That right there is something I have never done and never would do under any circumstance.  Fart out loud and not say you’re sorry?  That should be against the law.”

Now the regular is hovering over the seated stranger, bending low, his lips to the stranger’s ear.  “Did you hear what I just said?  What you did just now is illegal.”

Then he yanks the stranger out of his seat, slapping him back and forth across the face while backing him out the door where he delivers one final kick to the stranger’s rear end, launching him face down into the street before attaching a large cardboard sign to his back that says, “I AM GUILTY OF BREAKING THE LAW.”

A large crowd has gathered, applauding and cheering as the regular strolls back into the bar and yells, “Free drinks for everyone”, as the happy followers gathers round, patting him on the back and making him feel so happy and content with his place in life that tiny farts of happiness begin to softly seep from his ass – civilized farts, polite and courteous, quiet and legal.  Then he raises his glass and yells, “A toast for my friends, a toast for us all”, as everyone raises their glasses. “Here’s to the law!”, he yells as everyone applauds and cheers with great gusto.  Legal gusto.

– By TJ