Archives For March 2014

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I put more thought into my Blogs than I do into my Videos. My videos are off the cuff and ad-lid pieces, in which I set up the camera, set up the lights turn the Camera on and begin to speak. What comes out, comes out. People seem to enjoy my casual comments and, I must admit, I enjoy doing them. I want them to be simple and home spun, after all I am not equipped nor do I have any desire to make a video of myself jumping The Snake River canyon on a motor cycle that is on fire. I would get many views, but I have no interest in doing such stunts,

My Blog is another matter. In my Blog, I want to be as provocative as possible within the constraints of good taste. I don’t see any advantage in crossing the line. So many people want to shock and disturb that it has become hackneyed to do so. Their are those who believe that my content is quite daring and I agree with then. So, I will begin.

I find the people who are desperately trying to be shockingly different boring. Because there are so many people doing it. I believe that wearing a jacket and tie to an event is much more daring than showing up in a “Goth” outfit with jet black hair, tattoos and facial piercing to be much less daring because there are so many people doing it, under the cloak of wanting to be different. You not being different, you are trying, desperately to it and blend in with a larger group. exactly opposite of your stated goal.

You show me a man in a jacket and tie or a woman in a nice dress, a string of pearls around her neck and and sensible heels and I’ll show you two people who are truly rebels!

So to all of you creature, out there with jet black hair, tattoos, piercings. and black nail polish, I pity you because you are the conformists. You are the conventional, you are the ones with no courage and you are the ones who blend in to the throng of would be avant guards who are truly the mundane!!

Kip Addotta 

Noah

03/30/2014 — 1 Comment

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Los Angeles (CNN) – Forgive Darren Aronofsky if he’s begun to identify with the title character of his new film, “Noah.”

Like the infamous ark-maker, the 45-year-old director has weathered a Bible-sized storm – and it’s not over yet.

Aronofsky’s epic, which stars Russell Crowe and boasts a $130 million budget (with marketing costs to match), rides a swelling wave of controversy into American theaters on Friday.

Part Middle-Earth fantasy flick, part family melodrama, “Noah” is an ambitious leap for Aronofsky, director of the art-house hits “Black Swan” and “The Wrestler.”

Both of those films were showered with praise and awards. “Noah,” on the other hand, has sailed into stiff criticism.

Glenn Beck and megachurch pastor Rick Warren blasted the film. The National Religious Broadcasters insisted “Noah” include a disclaimer acknowledging the filmmakers took “artistic license” with the Bible story. Several Muslim countries have banned the movie, citing Islam’s injunctions against depicting prophets.

Even Paramount, the studio releasing “Noah,” has agitated Aronofsky, testing at least five different versions of his film with focus groups.

“I can understand some of the suspicion because it’s been 50 years since an Old Testament biblical epic has come to the big screen,” Aronofsky said recently. “And in that time a lot of films have come out of Hollywood that have rubbed people the wrong way.”

2014 is supposed to be the year Tinsel Town reversed that trend and finally got religion.

A decade after “The Passion of the Christ” surprised Hollywood, rankled liberals and raked in $600 million worldwide, big studios are backing a flotilla of faith-based films.

In addition to “Noah,” there’s “Son of God” from 20th Century Fox, which came out in March and is culled from the History Channel’s megahit miniseries, “The Bible.”

In April, Sony Pictures will release “Heaven is For Real,” based on the bestselling book and produced by Bishop T.D. Jakes, a Texas megachurch pastor and multimedia entrepreneur.

The movie “Exodus,” directed by Ridley Scott and starring Christian Bale as Moses, is scheduled for December. So, too, is “Mary, Mother of Christ,” which is billed as a prequel to Mel Gibson’s “Passion.”

More biblical epics may be on the horizon. Steven Spielberg is reportedly in talks to direct another movie about Moses, and Warner Brothers recently bought a script about Pontius Pilate.

The box office hasn’t seen this many faith-based films since Charlton Heston delivered the “The Ten Commandments” in Technicolor. And that’s not even counting “God is Not Dead,” the indie sleeper that took in $8.5 million last weekend.

So what’s behind Hollywood’s religious revival?

“The biggest factor is the dynamic growth of the box office in international markets,” said Paramount vice chairman Rob Moore, one of the forces behind “Noah.”

MORE ON CNN: A flood of reviews for ‘Noah’

Moore pointed to the $14 million his film has made in Mexico and South Korea, two of the more than 20 countries where “Noah” will run this year.

As Hollywood’s supply of comic-book heroes seems to run dry, studios know the Good Book comes with a built-in audience of billions. The Bible’s heroes and villains are jeered and cheered on nearly every continent. Its morally complex stories are rife with blockbuster-ready special effects like locust plagues, apocalyptic floods and talking donkeys.

But the controversy over “Noah” illustrates the promise and the peril of bringing the Bible to the big screen.

Yes, there’s a ready-made audience that loves the book, but will they tolerate a script that strays from Scripture? On the other hand, will increasingly secular young Americans flock to see films that look and sound like sermons?

“The earlier emphasis of faith-based films was to sacrifice quality for the message,” Jakes said in a recent interview. “But it’s dangerous to divide entertainment from evangelism. You’re not going to connect with the average movie-goer if you’re not putting out good stuff.”

But even Jakes, a longtime pastor and film producer, said it’s not easy to turn a religious text into a movie.

Megachurch pastor and multimedia entrepreneur Bishop T.D. Jakes’ latest film, “Heaven is For Real,” releases in April.

The author of “Heaven is For Real” has been adamant that the movie mirror the bestselling book. And Jakes cautions that the film’s depiction of heaven does not comport with Christian orthodoxy.

“It’s a little boy’s vision of heaven,” he said. “It’s not a theological film by a council of scholars.”

Like Jakes, Mark Burnett said he sees the silver screen as an evangelistic tool.

“We believe that over the next few decades, billions of people are going to see ‘Son of God’,” the reality-show producer said. “This is not just some film to us.”

Burnett pitched his movie hard to religious leaders before its release. Evangelical pastors like Rick Warren rented out entire theaters, and Catholic bishops endorsed the film – which hews to the New Testament telling of Jesus’ life.

The Christian push lifted “Son of God” to No. 2 on its opening weekend in February when it made more than $26 million in the United States.

Since then, sales have fallen sharply. But Burnett cautions filmmakers against bowdlerizing the Bible to succeed at the box office.

“There’s a big price to pay for departing from the sacred text,” he said.

Just ask Universal Pictures, the studio behind Martin Scorcese’s “The Last Temptation of Christ,” which sparked outrage in 1988.

Not only did Christians boycott the movie, in which Jesus fantasizes about married life, some sent death threats to studio executives.

“These stories hit really sensitive areas,” said Elijah Davidson, director of the Reel Spirituality program at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California.

Noah’s tale is a prime example. Just four short Bible chapters, it’s more sketch than story: The protagonist doesn’t speak until the boat finally lands ashore.

“And yet it’s a foundational story for many Christians,” Davidson said.

For centuries, theologians have taught that God’s covenant with Noah and post-flood promise to be merciful prophesied Christ’s later arrival.

Building Noah’s arc

Aronofsky, who describes himself as culturally Jewish but not especially religious, said he respects how important the Noah story is for believers.

“We tried very hard not to contradict anything in the Bible,” the director said. “But we also wanted to bring the story alive for a 21st century audience.”

Wiry and intense, with a shaved head and a Brooklyn accent, Aronofsky looks like a man who’s just finished one fight and is girding for another.

“What’s been missing from the whole controversy is my personal passion for the film,” the director said. “I’ve been thinking about this for 30 years.”

“Noah” director Darren Arnofsky’s previous films have included the art-house hits “Black Swan” and “The Wrestler.”

When he was 13, Aronofsky’s middle-school class in Coney Island was asked to write about peace.

He penned a poem about Noah called “The Dove” that was recognized by the United Nations. (As a thank you for setting him on the creative path, Aronofsky gave his teacher, Ms. Fried, a bit part in “Noah.”)

Even as a child, the director said, the Noah story unsettled him.

Aronofsky didn’t see the happy tale of rainbows and doves told in children’s books. He saw the humans and animals consumed by the waters – the world drowning in the deluge outside the ark.

As he began his film career, the director grew obsessed with telling the Noah story from that perspective – and employing the power of modern special effects to portray Earth’s first apocalypse.

“It’s one of the oldest and most famous stories in the world,” Aronofsky said. “And yet it’s never been told on the big screen.”

There are good reasons for that. After all, it’s a dark story.

God, distressed at human wickedness, decides to hit the cosmic reset button. His waters wipe all life from the planet, except for the fortunate few on the ark. After the storm, Noah gets goodly drunk – perhaps the first known case of survivor’s guilt – and curses the descendants of his son Ham to slavery.

To understand Noah, and to give his character a story arc, Aronofsky and his co-writer, Ari Handel, spent 10 years poring over the Book of Genesis and the midrash – stories written by rabbis to fill out the Bible’s narratives.

They also read texts like the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Book of Jubilees and the Book of Enoch, a work ascribed to Noah’s great-grandfather. Handel, who studied neuroscience, is known as an obsessive researcher. The script’s bibliography runs five pages long, single-spaced.

“We had to figure out how Noah and his family would get through this, and what it would feel like,” Aronofsky said.

The studio also hired a Christian consultant for the film. John Snowden is a former youth pastor at Vineyard Christian Fellowship Church, where Moore, the Paramount executive, is a member.

Snowden, who was pastor to Moore’s son, said the filmmakers’ questions ranged from the sublime (Why did God create human life?) to the ridiculous (Would Christians be upset if Noah wears pants?).

“I gave them a sort-of manifesto of Christian theology,” said Snowden, 38, who now lives in Nepal. “The most important part of the story is why God created humanity, which is basically to reflect God’s glory. Those are the kind of conversations we would have.”

Script or Scripture? 

Several evangelical leaders have posted positive reviews of the film, and, with the help of a Christian marketing firm hired by Paramount, are spreading the word that nothing in “Noah” belies the Bible.

But others aren’t so sure.

On March 16, megachurch pastor Rick Warren tweeted this message to his 1.3 million Twitter followers:

Director of new “Noah” movie calls it “The LEAST biblical film ever made” then uses F word referring to those wanting Bible-based [films]

For the record, Aronofsky said he’s made the “least biblical biblical film ever made.” That is, don’t expect the camel-and-sandals settings of last century’s Bible movies.

“We wanted to smash those expectations, Aronofsky said. “We are reinventing the biblical epic for the 21st century.”

Count conservative broadcaster Glenn Beck among the unimpressed.

Before he even saw the movie, Beck, who is Mormon, called “Noah” a “slap in the face” to religious people.

“It’s dangerous disinformation,” he told his 10 million radio listeners.

After Paramount screened “Noah” for Beck last weekend, he acknowledged that blasting the film sight unseen was “kind of a dirtball” move.

Then he blasted the movie again, calling it a “$100 million disaster.”

Beck’s biggest problem with “Noah” was Noah himself, whom Mormons believe is the angel Gabriel in human form.

“I always thought of Noah as more of a nice, gentle guy, prophet of God,” Beck said, “and not the raving lunatic Paramount found in the Bible.”

MORE ON CNN: Is ‘Noah’ film sacred enough?

Jerry Johnson, president of the National Religious Broadcasters, said he has the same problem with Aronofsky’s depiction of Noah.

The Bible calls Noah a “righteous man,” Johnson said. In the movie, his character is much more complex.

Noah begins the film as a rugged environmentalist who teaches his family to respect the Creator and all of creation. As he becomes increasingly zealous, Noah seems bent on destroying life rather than saving it.

“I understand that the writers want to create tension and resolve it, but they push it to a spot where if you haven’t read Genesis, you wouldn’t know whether Noah is really a man of faith or not.”

Moore, the Paramount executive, said focus groups had similar questions: How much of the film is from the Bible and how much was invented by Aronofsky?

At Johnson’s urging, Paramount agreed to include a disclaimer before the opening credits and in marketing materials stating that the film is “inspired” by the Bible and true to its values but takes certain liberties with the story. (The language mirrors Dreamworks’ disclaimer for “The Prince of Egypt,” which was based on the Book of Exodus.)

“People needed to know upfront that this is not a literal re-telling of Scripture,” Moore said. “It helped set their expectations for a movie about a guy who goes on an intense journey. This is probably not the Noah they remember from Sunday school.”

Aronofsky and Handel insist, however, that their film never directly contradicts Genesis, and even takes pains to remain faithful to it. The ark, for example, is built to the Bible’s specifications, down to the last cubit.

Ultimately, though, the director has little patience with literalists on either side of the believer-atheist divide.

It’s ungenerous to insist, as some Christians do, that there is only one way to interpret Genesis, according to Aronofsky. But it’s also ridiculous to argue, as some atheists have, that no ark could possibly hold all the animals.

The story of the flood has lasted for millennia not because it’s “right” – or wrong – but because it’s deep and alive and unsettling, the director said.

The artist’s job, like Noah’s, is to make sure those kinds of stories survive – to prepare us for the next storm.

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When I was a young man I was extremely shy. First i read a book by Frank Betger titled “How To Succeed In Selling.” I highly recommend it! In this book Mr. betger teaches that everyone is wearing a T-shirt and on that T-shirt in printed. “I Want To be Important!” I have never forgotten this!

At the age of eighteen I enrolled in a Dale Carnegie Class. I was so nervous, that when asked to stand and speak, I almost ran out of the room. At the second classI received a pen with the words “Most Improved” on it. I still have and cherish this cheap, little pen.

I can’t express how much these two entities helped me. Here are some Quotes:

Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.

If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.

All of these are as real as steal. Get Started!

Kip Addotta

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Sex in college

Would you walk, down the aisle, with someone you know had, had sex with more than three hundred partners? Could you walk down the aisle with someone after having three hundred, or more, partners yourself? Would you expect your partner to be monogamous with you? Could you maintain monogamy with them? Or would you wonder if you or they had been so callused by so many former dalliances that they would eventually become bored and look for adventure outside the marriage?

These questions are more pertinent today than ever before. Today most of us feel that, as long as we are single, we can have an unlimited number of sexual encounters and then, one day, become married and change our ways, on the spot. Do you think that you could? Or do you believe, as one lady put it to me last night, “Sex is sex and love is love.” I wonder.

Would you, after so many experiences with other people be constantly be comparing your spouse to all the other people you have “Hooked up” with. Or would you establish an open relationship, with your spouse, that allowed each of you to have sex with other people at will and then return to the hearth with no questioned?

These questions are pertinent because, in todays world the average collage student after four, six or eight years of “education” has had well over three hundred partners. I’m sure getting one to admit it, without a confidentiality agreement would be impossible, however, these are the numbers researchers have come up with.

According to The American Psychological Association after polling students aged 18-24 here’s what they found about the amount and the type of sex taking place behind closed dorm doors:

Sex is the Norm. Since this was a sex survey, not one of the respondents said they had never had sex. One third (33%) said they hit the sheets several times per week, and 12% admitted being lucky enough to get busy multiple times per day.

I believe that it would and is almost impossible to maintain a monogamous relationship after you’ve been to the big city, shall we say. I believe that, today, we live in a society far more permissive than Sodom and Gomorrah and you know what happened to them.

Considering the way we behave, today, it’s no wonder we have such a high divorce rate. You see, it’s true! “Someday we must all pay the piper.”

Kip Addotta

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The trouble with advocates is they are paid to have a specific stance on a given topic. If an advocate is being paid to say the world if flat, nothing you say will change their minds. You can show them photos, taken from space showing the world is round and they will continue to advocate it is flat. They’re being paid to have to espouse this opinion and no amount of proof to the contrary will change this!

When we watch the news, most of the people being interviewed are advocates. I do not think most people are aware of this. For instance, the same advocate is promoting a positive view of Obama Care one week, can be paid to be against it the next. This is dangerous because most of the time they are not introduced as advocates. Even if they were, most people, I’m afraid, wouldn’t know what that means. Those people would go around repeating the advocate’s position as if were, indeed, fact.

Take a pharmaceutical company advocate, distributing a product that, over time, is exposed to be harmful, if not, deadly to its patients. The advocate will continue to discount the drug risk no matter how many people are injured or even killed by it.

Never once have I seen or heard an advocate alter their position on any subject even though the proof against their employer’s product or position is exposed to be a flat out lie. If the company who employing these advocates is proven in court to be responsible for damage to their costumer, they deploy their lawyers to defend and exonerate the culprits for the damage caused.

I was hired to go to Hartford, CT. I was doing a show for the company insuring a large American automotive manufacturer that was having trouble with one of the models, in their line. The problem was when this particular model was rear ended, the gas tank would explode and everyone in the car were being killed.

When I landed there, I was picked up and driven to my hotel by an insurance company executive. I asked him about the obvious design flaw and what, if anything, the auto manufacturer would do in response  He said, “They’re not going to do anything about it. It is cheaper to pay off the decedents’ families’ law suits than it is to re-design the car.” The company in question had hired advocates to go on the media and lie about the cause and who was responsible for these deaths.

The moral of this story is, “Don’t believe everything you read, see or hear.” There are attractive people out there who are being paid to lie to us. So if you have, for instance, a political view, you have heard on the media, you may be perpetrating and espousing information that is simply un-true! BTW, I have no affiliation with any corporate entity. You have been warned!

Kip Addotta

Please comment on this @ kipaddotta.com

 

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As I sit here, every morning, I never know what I’m going to write about. Somehow, admitting that brings me an idea. At the risk of gushing, I am thinking of one night, a few weeks ago, when I was at Craig’s restaurant and watering hole for the “A” listers of show business.

As i scanned the room, I noticed a familiar face. It was George Schlatter. He was sitting in a booth with Tina Sinatra (Frank’s Daughter) and another man who I did not know.

I approached the booth, knowing that it was the wrong thing to do. I said, ‘Hi Mr. Schlatter, I’m Kip Addotta.” He graciously feigned immediate recognition and I said, “My God, you don’t look any different, than you did thirty years ago.” Which was the truth)

George Schlatter is an American television producer and director,known for  Rowan Martin;s ‘Laugh In and founder of the The American Comedy Awards. I also had the pleasure of working with him on a few shows.

Mr Schlatter introduced me to the other members of hid party. Tina Sinatra and another gentleman, who shall remain nameless because I can’t remember his name. However, I do remember how Tina Sinatra looked. She looked like forty-million dollars. She is gorgeous and I must say I was knocked back on my heels, at the sight of her. Then again, why wouldn’t she be. Her father Frank Sinatra and her mother Nancy Barbato (Her maiden name) were beautiful people and it showed in Tina.

I had always thought that Nancy Sinatra was also a beautiful woman and could never understand why Mr. Sinatra made the horrible mistake of blowing his marriage with her, Everyone saw them and their children as a wonderful American family and I’m sure that Mr. Sinatra regretted it for the rest of his life. As a matter of fact, he told me he did!

After recovering from my shock at wow beautiful Tina Sinatra was, I got back to the subject at hand, George Schlatter. I wanted him to know that I had done some research on him, I told him that I knew that he had been ‘The Bouncer” at Ciro’s. Ciro’s combined a luxe baroque interior and an unadorned exterior and became a famous hangout for movie people of the 1940s and, 1950s. It was one of “the” places to be seen and guaranteed being written about in the gossip columns of the day like Hedda Hopper, Louella Parsons and Florabel Muir.

George Schlatter laughed and in a booming voice, declared, “I was not the bouncer ay Ciro’s! I was the executive in charge of extrication!” This made us all laugh and I asked him for his email address. I got it!

I walked away and didn’t bother their party again, but I will never forget the experience!

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When I go out with a woman I assume that I am with a funky grown, adult, female. A little dinner, a little dancing, a few cocktails and, if I’m lucky, I end up in her bedroom. She excuses herself and visits the bath room. When she returns she is naked and her pubic hair is completely shave off. She looks loke a thirteen year old!

Ladies, stop it with the shaving of your crotches. Stop it! You look silly! And if your significant other asks you to shave your crotch, I wouldn’t leave him alone with the kids, if I were you.

Why is it that women seem to want to erase of eliminate anything that alludes to any sign of humanity.

Now a Bikini Wax is fine. A little gardening down there is appreciated and, of course eye brow plucking, shaven legs, anal waxing and arm pit shaving seems only civilized. But any more than that is down right obscene.

If a “Lady” steps out of her powder room completely devoid of any hair at all the whole evening seems rather premeditated. One gets the impression that this girl plans on bedding every man she encounters. Not good!

A man should be given, at least, the illusion of spontaneity. The illusion that a woman thinks he is special and not just another “Hook Up.”

I knew a women, in Cleveland , who shaved her vagina and had a tattoo of a male lions face tattoos on it. When her red pubic hair grew back out, the effect was both impressive and startling! I never went out with her again.

Kip Addotta

The Car I Drive

03/24/2014 — 2 Comments

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I promised myself that I would write an article for my blog every day. Keeping promises to ones self is important, although not always convenient. There are times that I simple don’t know what to write about. Of course the old rule always applies. “Never talk about politics or religion.”

I drive a 2011 Bullet Mustang. An homage, by Ford, to Steve McQueen and hit hit movie, “Bullet.”

Over my life I have owned and driven almost every car from Pontiac to Ferraris. This Mustang is the best car I have ever driven. Its fast, handles well and it’s built like a vault. And it’s faster, though the guarder mile that the big Camero and an F16 jet! (This was proven on “Top Gear.”

It is also one of the most beautiful cars I have ever driven. It has an Allison four hundred and thirteen horse power motor. Its black with dark grey leather interior. It has power steering cruise control, poet windows, a five speed automatic transmission, rear wheel drive, positracton and even a setting for going down hills. Oh, did I mention GPS?

I think everyone should drive a big engine Mustang. The sound alone makes is thrilling, in itself. And speaking of sound, it has eighty-two speakers in it including one under the bottom of every seat.

The gas milage is good, considering what I’m driving and I get a lot more looks than any Lamborghini. So, I am happy, ti sat the least.

Kip Addotta

 

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Well, how does one feel the day of an important opening?

I feel great and am looking forward to doing my show, “An Evening With Kip Addotta” at The Ice House, in Pasadens CA, tonight at 7PM

Am I nervous about It? As Elvis said, “I have no right to be nervous. I have an audience to entertain and they don’t deserve, for me to be nervous.” For me the show is already done. I have made all the preparations and feel confident in my own skin.

My only concern is that the audience will be nervous. But, I have made preparations to avoid even this. Audiences have a tendency to become nervous for a performer. That’s why I avoid all contact with anyone, before the show.

I fully intend for this show to be a “Happening.” A show that the audience will never forget. There is no ego here, just facts. One must have this inside of them to do a proper show. I will get an adrenaline rush. People often mistake this for a case of the nerves. However, if one doesn’t have an adrenaline rush there is something wrong.

My show, tonight, will last approximately between 90 and a 110 minutes, depending on the audience. I will receive two encores. how do I know this? Because they are built into the show. Now, I will make sure that my wardrobe fits. I have several wardrobes, is different sizes so we will see.

Kip Addotta

 

 

Thumbs Up?

03/21/2014 — 4 Comments

UnknownLet’s see. What to write about? Hmm.

Recently some expert on human anatomy said that a man’s Penis is three times longer than his thumb. I’ve spent the last three weeks obsessed with my thumb. I’ve gotten to the point where I walk around with my hands (Or, at least, my thumbs) in my pockets. Then, I found myself studying other mens’s thumbs and have come to the point where I think that they should all keep their hands (or, at least, their God Damn thumbs) in their pockets. Who do these Jerks think they are, anyway. Walking around with their thumbs in plain sight. There ought to be a law.

There is a common belief that black men have longer thumbs than white men. But, is this true? Here is your answer. After much, in depth, secretive study I have this to report. Some black men have longer thumbs than the average white man, however, some white men have longer thumbs than the average black man. Then i went around asking every woman, that I met, (excluding my girlfriend) if black men have longer thumbs than white men. I get the stitches out next Thursday!

However, when I asked black women if black men had longer thumbs than white men they didn’t know having never been with a black man. Thankfully, one black woman did pull me aside and admit that she had been with a black man and that he had the smallest thumb she had ever come across. (No pun intended.) Hmm. This question has become more elusive than I had bargained for.

After much thought and soul searching, I went to the curator of the LA Museum of Natural History and spoke the Thumb Expert In Residence, Todd Swisher. Mr. Swisher was hesitant, at first. Then he pulled me aside and said, “This is a matter of extreme secrecy, but between you and I, I will say that it’s a toss up! Some black men have long thumbs and some white men have long thumbs. It all depends on what’s in your jeans.”

I thanked him and began to leave and when I had gotten several yards away, he remarked, “Nice thumbs!”

Kip Addotta