Charlie Hefton

07/31/2014 — 2 Comments


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As you may know, I met Charlie Hefton in the service. But that was only the beginning of the story!

After Charlie mustered out of the service he went to work following through on some of the ideas he had come up with. He saw a need and he began work on fulfilling it. He, like many men, was proficient in pocket pool and recognized a need to have an excuse, for men to have, as to why they had their hands in their front pockets, playing with their Cue and Balls.

Mr. Hefton applied for a patent and began to formulate and refine his product. Cotton, wool and rayon seemed to be the best ingredients, all being natural fibers, (Yes Rayon is made from wood.No pun intended!) The research went on for months with the help of The Lithuanian Research Lab, in the city of Vilnius, by Dr. Andrius Zavetskas. If that is his real name!

Dr. Zavetskas came up with the correct amounts if each type of fiber and presented them to Charlie Hefton. Charlie was predictably suspicious of this information because of Dr. Andrius Zavetskas’s reputation as a complete charlatan, master Pick Pocket and known member of Homo Sapiens for Change (HSFC) located in Phoenix AZ and the invoice Charlie received in the amount of Four Thousand Catasties! (79.31 US)

Charlie Hefton, being a “One Trick Pony” did what he always does. He ripped up the bill and hired a cheap Plastic Surgeon, Stephen J Pincus of Topeka KS to change Charlie’s looks!

In a letter to me Charlie stated that he also wasn’t going to repay me for the Hot Dogs I sprang for in Nom! Typical!

In the end Charlie did go into production of the product now known as “Pocket Fuzz.” He has made a fortune and Dr. Andrius Zavetskas and I are looking for him. He was last seen boarding a train bound for Credulous, MA! If you see the man pictured above, please contact me at

I’m coming for you Charlie!

Kip Addotta

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2 responses to Charlie Hefton

  1. Charles “Charlie” Hefton 08/02/2014 at 04:15

    What the…… Kip’s out to get me! Why I outta…. Gotta scram!

  2. Charles “Charlie” Hefton 08/02/2014 at 04:29

    First of all, that picture. After the plastic surgery, A little old white haired guy kept following me around screaming, “Stop! Stop! it’s me Geppeto!” Or some such ridiculous name. Would’nt leave me alone! Kept saying crap like, “You’re a real boy now!” Stupid old man. I had to have face changing surgery again!! But Kip will never recognize me!! I’ve changed back to the look I had after I divorced Chewy Snickers Hefton. Now I’m big and round again. One problem though, The nose doesn’t know anymore. And it’s upsetting my current wife, Muffy Slimfast Hefton. But that’s another fine mess I got myself into. Crap! Gotta scram again, I think I heard Sherlock Addotta. He’s after me you know!

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