Dear Kip: Questions Submitted By The Little People

What new advances can we expect in the field of piercing?

Piercing technology will soon enable us to eliminate shirt sleeves altogether. We will then be able to attach cufflinks directly to the bottom side of our wrists. There goes casual Friday.

Why do people not butter the underside of their toast?

This is an easy one. The underside of one’s toast is, and has always been intended for spinning said toast on one’s index finger. Naturally, buttered toast is slippery and thereby would make funerals impossible to conduct.

Are dominoes on the way out, and if so, is there anything that can be done about it?

Don’t ever write to me again!

I always seem to find myself with an overloaded shopping cart. What should I do?

As a boat owner, the solution immediately comes to mind. What you need is a trailer hitch for your shopping cart. This way, you can double your load capacity, and it will make gypsy life a whole lot easier.

My wife and I are considering purchasing some farmland in the Gobi desert. What crop would be good for a first-time farmer such as myself?

In this case, I would recommend growing dried fruit. Further explanation should not be necessary.

Is there anything that can be done about our nationwide blood shortage?

We are overlooking the obvious, and as usual, it is right under our noses and along our arms. Blood banks should immediately begin to harvest mosquitoes.

3 responses to Dear Kip: Questions Submitted By The Little People

  1. Burl Barer 05/31/2013 at 10:05

    Dear Kip

    Are the Little People who ask these questions, the same Little People who used to perform with Darby O’Gill? If so, when did they part ways with Darby, and why?

  2. Robert Young 06/10/2013 at 18:37

    Kip, you are a genuinely funny man, a guy who doesn’t have to work at it (although you do!). It just comes naturally. In fact, you are funnier when you are aren’t trying to be funny!!

    Hey, I enjoyed your visits to The Dr. Demento show when I was the producer. I look forward to seeing you again….

    Robert Young

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