The Four Nicest Guys on Planet Earth

08/07/2013 — Leave a comment

Submitted by TJ:

The last time I got into an actual fist fight was at an intersection with a 4-way stop sign.  The four nicest guys on earth just happened to be there at the same time. I was one of them. Very polite. All of us had our arms out our windows trying to wave the others on.

“You go,” one guy yelled, looking at me. “No, no, you were here before me,” I said, “You go.” “Who was here first?,” yelled another guy from his car. “Whoever was here first should go first.”

“I don’t know,” said another guy, pointing to another car.  “He got here at the same time as me.  It’s hard to say who got here first.”

The polite discussion continued with each stopped driver asking someone else to make the first move. I did the same.  Believe it or not, at one point I was tempted to make the first move even though I knew I wasn’t the first one there. But I hesitated to do that because I have always considered myself a fair guy and did not want to belay that image of myself.

Finally, things got really testy as other drivers began piling up behind us.  Lots of cursing and horn-honking gong on. It was a narrow street, with no room for anyone to get around. It was an ugly stalemate. I had to do something.

I got out of the car with my arms raised shoulder high, palms up to the sky, and yelled, “Patience people!,” in a voice so convincing I couldn’t’ believe it came from me. Everyone had their heads out the window to hear me speak.

But, I had nothing more to say, I was so gassed from the unexpected verbal explosion. And now, suddenly, it was more than just heads out the windows as entire bodies began piling from cars, fists clenched, faces twisted with anger and hate.  People began punching each other indiscriminately.

I swung at the first guy who came my way. He went down in a heap, his legs twisted under my front tire.  “To hell with this,” I cried to the others, “I’m getting out of here.”  I peeled out, burning rubber as well as leg bones into the pavement.  I glanced through the rear-view to see everyone piling back into their cars, smiles on their faces, free at last to once again travel life’s roads unhindered by the sudden and rare appearance of the world’s 4 nicest guys at the same 4-way stop sign.  Doesn’t happen often. That’s why I’m telling you about it.

– By T.J.

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