Thumbs Up?

03/21/2014 — 4 Comments

UnknownLet’s see. What to write about? Hmm.

Recently some expert on human anatomy said that a man’s Penis is three times longer than his thumb. I’ve spent the last three weeks obsessed with my thumb. I’ve gotten to the point where I walk around with my hands (Or, at least, my thumbs) in my pockets. Then, I found myself studying other mens’s thumbs and have come to the point where I think that they should all keep their hands (or, at least, their God Damn thumbs) in their pockets. Who do these Jerks think they are, anyway. Walking around with their thumbs in plain sight. There ought to be a law.

There is a common belief that black men have longer thumbs than white men. But, is this true? Here is your answer. After much, in depth, secretive study I have this to report. Some black men have longer thumbs than the average white man, however, some white men have longer thumbs than the average black man. Then i went around asking every woman, that I met, (excluding my girlfriend) if black men have longer thumbs than white men. I get the stitches out next Thursday!

However, when I asked black women if black men had longer thumbs than white men they didn’t know having never been with a black man. Thankfully, one black woman did pull me aside and admit that she had been with a black man and that he had the smallest thumb she had ever come across. (No pun intended.) Hmm. This question has become more elusive than I had bargained for.

After much thought and soul searching, I went to the curator of the LA Museum of Natural History and spoke the Thumb Expert In Residence, Todd Swisher. Mr. Swisher was hesitant, at first. Then he pulled me aside and said, “This is a matter of extreme secrecy, but between you and I, I will say that it’s a toss up! Some black men have long thumbs and some white men have long thumbs. It all depends on what’s in your jeans.”

I thanked him and began to leave and when I had gotten several yards away, he remarked, “Nice thumbs!”

Kip Addotta

 

 

4 responses to Thumbs Up?

  1. Jeannie Parnis 03/22/2014 at 00:12

    Kip, I listened to your Broadscasting interview with tears in my eyes and I could not turn it off. What a fascinating discussion! Thank You for sharing intimate yourself. You have lived an incredible life with so many ups and downs. No child should have to go through what you were put through. You are to be commended for “making lemonade out of lemons”, as they say. It makes me happy to know that today you are surrounded by a beautiful family and have achieved a very successful career to be proud of. Laurie (or was it Lauren?) did a delightful job interviewing you. She allowed you to speak and answer the questions. That said, I am unhappy with the gentleman “Matt” who interviewed you later that day. Where does he get off putting you on the back burner to interview somebody that no one under 50 has heard of? Scoey or whatever his name was is a nobody compared to Kip Addotta! The host made a fool of himself shushing you, a legend, over and over! I suspect he did this because the other gentleman was black and you are White. Maybe not. Whatever the reason, this host should be fired and replaced with someone professional. I hope you told off this Matt! Take care, Kip. Love, Jeannie

  2. When I was first intimate with my wife she said I must be part black. True story. BTW, when I sew, I use Magnum thimbles (A fake story).

  3. Tommy Joseph 03/22/2014 at 04:04

    LOL, the last line.

    TJ

  4. I give this two thumbs up!

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