I’ve heard all sorts of stories about myself. Gossip! Things that never happened, and yet, they are considered, by many, to be actual occurrences in my life. People choose to believe these outrageous stories. According to these stories I am and have been a “Wild Man!” Someone who is out of control. I have long since stopped defending myself with the truth. People don’t seem to want the truth, opting for the myth because it is more interesting.
When I was at a party chatting with a lady in the living room, there was someone in the back bedroom snorting cocaine. The next morning the people in the back bedroom were saying that they were snorting cocaine with Kip Addotta. If there had been someone more notable at the party they would have had this dubious distinction. I have been accused by people who I have never met of being an anti-semite, a racist, a homosexual, a thief, a miscreant, a cur, a misogynist, a lothario, and I’m sure many things that haven’t come to my attention.
Gossip can and does ruin lives. And yet the people who engage in it are delighted to do so. If I had done half the things that people say I have done, I would be a remarkable specimen indeed. I have been accused of running up fifteen-hundred dollar bar tabs and having sex with every cocktail waitress in the nation, including US Territories. The truth is I’ve spent more than my share of lonely nights in rather ordinary hotel rooms, watching CNN.
Of course I’ve had some naughty nights along the way but nothing to compare with the legend. Too much material to write and too many show recordings to listen to. After all I have made over seventeen-hundred TV appearances on network and syndicated shows and that doesn’t leave much time for frivolous behavior. All that material had to be written and polished and there was no one around to do it for me.
I am not alone in this situation. A comedian’s life is a solitary one. But my time on stage made up for it. I love it! I wouldn’t trade it for all the booze, girls and drugs on the planet. What a thrill! When I get off stage I am spent. There is no energy left to waste on silliness.
So if I am remarkable for any reason, it is because I have worked so hard. I must have made it look easy because I seem to be the father of many a pretender. These are the ones at the bar, chatting up “The Sheila’s.” I am the guy in the hotel room listening to show tapes and pressing my suit.
Kip Addotta, aka Uncle Kippy
I’m running for President
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