Psst, Did You Hear About Kip Addotta?

05/15/2014 — 2 Comments

imagesI’ve heard all sorts of stories about myself. Gossip! Things that never happened, and yet, they are considered, by many, to be actual occurrences in my life. People choose to believe these outrageous stories. According to these stories I am and have been a “Wild Man!” Someone who is out of control. I have long since stopped defending myself with the truth. People don’t seem to want the truth, opting for the myth because it is more interesting.

When I was at a party chatting with a lady in the living room, there was someone in the back bedroom snorting cocaine. The next morning the people in the back bedroom were saying that they were snorting cocaine with Kip Addotta. If there had been someone more notable at the party they would have had this dubious distinction. I have been accused by people who I have never met of being an anti-semite, a racist, a homosexual, a thief, a miscreant, a cur, a misogynist, a lothario, and I’m sure many things that haven’t come to my attention.

Gossip can and does ruin lives. And yet the people who engage in it are delighted to do so. If I had done half the things that people say I have done, I would be a remarkable specimen indeed. I have been accused of running up fifteen-hundred dollar bar tabs and having sex with every cocktail waitress in the nation, including US Territories. The truth is I’ve spent more than my share of lonely nights in rather ordinary hotel rooms, watching CNN.

Of course I’ve had some naughty nights along the way but nothing to compare with the legend. Too much material to write and too many show recordings to listen to. After all I have made over seventeen-hundred TV appearances on network and syndicated shows and that doesn’t leave much time for frivolous behavior. All that material had to be written and polished and there was no one around to do it for me.

I am not alone in this situation. A comedian’s life is a solitary one. But my time on stage made up for it. I love it! I wouldn’t trade it for all the booze, girls and drugs on the planet. What a thrill! When I get off stage I am spent. There is no energy left to waste on silliness.

So if I am remarkable for any reason, it is because I have worked so hard. I must have made it look easy because I seem to be the father of many a pretender. These are the ones at the bar, chatting up “The Sheila’s.” I am the guy in the hotel room listening to show tapes and pressing my suit.

Kip Addotta, aka Uncle Kippy

I’m running for President

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2 responses to Psst, Did You Hear About Kip Addotta?

  1. President Uncle Kippy, the only such comments about you like that I heard were on that internet radio show. I have no reason to believe it was true. You big mistake was watching CNN. All “news” outlets are liars, peddlers of propaganda. Many a comedian committed suicide or Od’ed on drugs (such as Jeni, Hedberg, Giraldo and eventually Artie Lange)

  2. Tommy Joseph 05/16/2014 at 04:46

    Kip, the times they are a changing, and I saw it coming a long time ago. The gossip that today can destroy a political candidates career may tomorrow be the gossip that will make it. The day will come that in order to get elected a candidate will have to confess with competitive gusto to beat out his confessing opponent. Today’s confession can be tomorrow’s ticket to office.

    I say confess everything. Do it now. Lay it on the line, whatever it is. Tell these suckers, “You can’t dish dirt on me, I’m the guy with the shovel”, as you proceed to confess one outrageous ‘sin’ after another, gaining an incredible groundswell of people support in the process. “He’s one of us.”

    Of course, as I said, other candidates will be confessing as well, so it’s going to get competitive. In order to be elected you will have to be an outstanding oddball of the highest order. I’m thinking about running on the “Sinners” platform (if I decide to run, which is doubtful). Good luck with your campaign.


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